May 4, 2014

Burning Red. Passionate as Sin.

It’s the beginning of May. I decided to write again. I wish this begin a new better life too. My life was too busy recently and I’ve got NOTHING from that busy-ness. I ever planned last year (after the hard stuffs I felt) that I want a better life (yeah, people always want a better life, that’s why people are never been satisfied and always seeking for everything they don’t have yet), but what I meant as a “better life” in here is totally mean a BETTER life, ‘cause everything I felt I had in my life for several years are sucks.
What happened in my life after junior high school is, my dad’s dead, I lose my dream to have a complete and happy family as other’s have. I lose a chance to be a “daddy’s lil princess”. I lose a chance to have a normal family, with mother, father and sister(s) or brother(s) in there.
Red Coat: Vintage - Turtle Neck Top: Looney Toons - Shoes: D&G Junior

I breakup with some guys, and I start over the new that I wish would be a new ‘drugs’ for me and it still going ‘till now. I don’t know how it works ‘till now, cause I’ve suffering many hard stuff along this relationship and it’s more complicated ‘cause whenever I feel not happy with someone I can easily make a decision to cut a relationship, but not with this one. Yaaa, I feel happy. Really happy with him, then some jerk things are going to ruin my happiness. I feel more complicated in this relationship but I can’t just breakup with him and start a new fresh, cause my heart will never can be moved from him. Idk why.

Some rumors about me were also invented in high school, and it’s driving me crazy too besides I had to pass exam. And then I graduated from high school and feel like I’m free from something. I can runaway from my problems in high school. Then in college, I found some troubles too.  Also troubles with my relationship, I breakup with him and thank God ‘cause we’ve made up.

Those are reasons why I feel my life is not worthy. I feel like I need something new that will make my life passionate and impassionade. I promised myself last year that I’ll find something to change my life, but I haven’t make any progress ‘till now. Feel like my life stuck on a point. I haven’t reach any of my goals (except ‘things I want to buy’).
Red Blazer: vintage - Tanks and Skirt: unknown - Sneakers: Nike

But then I realized, we had to make it through the hard stuff first, it’s gonna get harder before it get easier in life. But I’m just not sure about when will the hard stuffs over? Yap, that’s why people said life is a mystery. And that’s why we have ‘passion’ too. All we need to make our life challenging is to find our passion and live with it. I love to write. I love to write anything in my mind although it’s not important at all for others, but all the time since I started to write my expressive writings journal I feel all the way is good. I can control my emotion, I can write what I likes and what I dislikes. Maybe people wouldn’t care of what I think, but I wanna keep writing! Intensively, not only depends on my mood. I love fashion too. I love being looking good and comfy, I love cute stuffs and I love to mix and match –ing it. I love drawing and sketching. I love interior design. I looooooooove beautiful thingsss!!! I love laughing and make people laugh, I love comedy. And the most important thing is: I love being loved by people I love.

I think I was too often ignoring my passion. It’s a big fault. I have to start a happier life, I think I deserve it. So, I will run for it. I believe, my life is worth to be fighting for.